It is a beautiful Monday morning. A welcome bright, sunny sunrise after two days of showers and thunderstorms. I step out for my morning run. The thrill of fresh air gushing into my lungs with each breadth and the wind massaging my hair is orgasmic! I love a good morning run. It is one time I am by myself (I like to run alone), just me, my heart and my mind. I talk, laugh, reminisce, and plan. I count the number of bird songs I can pick out from the trees and occasionally I feel the love emanating from the songs on my radio. I glide up and down the forest paths with nothing but pure bliss and I am so at peace; totally lost in my little world. Today, I set out to just lose myself in this beautiful forest, to become one with nature, clear my head and plan in anticipation for the week ahead.
As I ran, I met four ladies walking and heartily chatting away. They seemed merry. They were young and in their mid-twenties. As I drew near, I could hear their words. One of them was sharing how she had attempted to lose weight for over four years without success. She had tried dieting, working out, clean eating, going off gluten, meat and dairy but nothing seemed to work. She concluded she was genetically predetermined to be fat no matter what she did and had given up. “I can’t fit into any of the beautiful dresses you guys wear and I have accepted my fate” she said as her voice fell behind me. That sounded so hopeless my heart was broken.
As I ran on, I wondered what would happen if she had chosen to use a different set of words. What if she replaced her “I can’t” with “I won’t” and said the same things? I would have sounded something like “I have tried to diet and work out without success. I know I won’t lose weight. I know I won’t fit into the beautiful dresses….” Now that sounds different. It is not an end and seems to leave room for possibility, however difficult it may seem. “I can’t” is a result of externalities, “I won’t” is an act of the will. It means if something can be done, I am willing and open to doing it. We speak into our life’s obstacles by the very language we use.
Conversations nowadays feel very vague and superficial. This is because we use words to say one thing when what we really mean is different altogether. One may use the phrase ‘I can’t’ when we really mean to say ‘I don’t want to’. These are very different phrases. One means it is not in my power to do it, the other means I am able to do it but I am not willing to. If we consciously and intentionally chose our words, our conversations would be honest, and our relationships deeper for we would allow others to see our true selves and get to know them as well. The reason we often hide behind vague and vain phrases is because we are afraid to be ourselves; to let others see who we truly are and what we truly believe. The guilt and shame keep us in hiding, yet it should be okay to say to someone that we will not do as they ask because we do not want to do it. Technology makes it even harder for sincere conversations. When we gaze at the eyes of those we speak with, it reveals a deeper meaning of the words they speak. The eyes are indeed the windows to our souls, enriching our words and affirming or disputing what we say. Oh, the joy of looking with amazement into the eyes and seeing the truth of the words spoken! With tech messages or video calls, this may not be the case.
Excuses or responsibility?
Use of “I can’t” could be as a result of our deep-rooted tendency to make excuses and escape responsibility. When the reason is beyond me, when I am not in control, I also am not responsible for the consequences…. right? Going back to the weight story, what the “I can’t” was also saying is that though I am this way, do not blame me because this is not my doing. I did not put this combination of genes in my DNA so please consult the manufacturer. This goes against what God said when He created us: He made us in His image, He looked and saw it was good. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. None of that sounds like He made broken or damaged goods with the wrong combination of DNA. What this lady was escaping from was the fact that she had a role to play in getting where she was and there was something she could do after all. She had some responsibility for her status. She was avoiding the need for her action to make a change. The problem with this mindset is that is causes us to cede power and control to everything and everyone else but ourselves and is the reason a lot of us are stuck. Stuck with and doing things we do not want, or not doing the things we really wish we were doing. Stuck living lives we dislike instead of living the abundant life we ought to be living all because we do not want to bear the burden of change. Change is never easy: but it is well worth it. Our power lies in taking responsibility because then can control the outcome.
To thine own self, be true……William Shakespeare
We ought to have honest conversations with ourselves, identifying the true reason we act the way we do then intentionally changing our “I can’t” attitude to “I won’t” and allowing our true selves to manifest. Only then can we experience the true power God placed in our lives to take dominion, to move mountains and make the changes we wish to see. Jim Rohn once said that ‘If you really want to do something, then you will find a way. If you do not, you will find an excuse’. What do we truly want? As we go about our business (or busyness) today, are we truly being honest with ourselves and others around us or are we living life like a burden to be borne? Are we putting up with people, things and situations just for appearances sake or are we truly as we wish to be? Do we talk to people because we have to or because we sincerely want to? Do they know our truth? Do we go to places and do things because we have to? No! We don’t have to because that makes it a task and a mundane one at that. We should go places and do things because we believe in them and really want to; only then can the process be fun, fulfilling and productive. Being honest with ourselves means others may view us in a different way, may even dislike us of not want to be a part of our lives. This too is okay and is part of the price. In any case, this means we have to also overcome the fear of facing ourselves and being by ourselves, something many of us struggle with. Along the way, as we are living our true selves, we will meet others who are okay with us just as we are and they will not fear or be ashamed to be a part of our lives.
What dreams and goals are we stuck with and not achieving? What things and situations are we stuck with and not letting go? It is time to shed the “I can’t” mentality! May we let go of the excuses, may we let go of the blame shifting and take our responsibility for it, then get to work at it. It may take time and toil but it pays in the end. Perhaps the real reason we are making excuses is that we have not built our capacity in certain areas of our lives and are either too lazy to do so or too scared to begin. They say the longest journey begins with one step. Begin by defining the destination: what we truly want. We then learn and develop ourselves one little step after another. Soon we will get to the destination.
As we close this year and make resolutions for 2021, let us dare to dream big dreams that are not limited by “I can’t” and step out into the new year with boldness. All things are possible to them that believe and good things come to the bold. I dare you to be bold!
